Memories fade, it’s very hard to remember certain things in our life, no matter how hard you try, memories wither away slowly. Try as much as you may, certain things aren’t supposed to be remembered so vividly, your brain makes sure you forget it, even of you don’t want to. How does it prioritize?
I recall a world. A world in war, where luck and skill are required for you to see another morning. I was someone who mattered, someone whose mistakes could result in death of the others. If I made an error, the result would have been organs splattered around lifeless figures. When I look at these humans, I wonder was any of it real? Did it all happen? Or is about to happen? I may never know in my life.
Each day we lived in fear of the attacks. There wouldn’t be soldiers. Just explosions. Each missed attack made it worse so there was no relief in knowing you survived one. Because the question was always ” For how long?”. At times I think I should have made that mistake, should have just let people be free of their worries, what’s the purpose of a life where each day is a battle and test of luck? How does living each moment in fear, with no hope and constant anticipation of death called a life?
I had to design levels, for a game. Game which helps you survive. We used the game to stimulate the attacks and evade them. I can’t recollect much, yet I know that the training regime and evacuation were purely based on the level of designed once. How had I known to create it? I wonder, how had I managed to play such a crucial role in this? How did I get to be in this position?
We had managed to create really effective bunkers. As far as I can remember our whole lives have been in bunkers. Is that what we will be known for? Building large number of safe houses and evading the attacks? We had our losses, every month we lost around 300, but that was supposed to be the bright side. The optimists loved those numbers as it was an improvement over the previous years.
One thing I never understood is – Who were we fighting? Who was trying to kill us all? What did we do against them? Why?
Could we have ever fought back and made our stance? Or was it a futile attempt, just to buy some more time?